he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
