I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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