I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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