I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
