I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
