I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
