Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
