I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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