And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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