Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
