Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
