Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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