she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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