That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
