im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
