after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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