just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
