For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
