Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize