Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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