I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
