no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
