her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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