so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
