i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize