I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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