Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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