??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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