all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im holly from the hills drunk
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
