Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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