Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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