Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
