well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
