I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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