I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
