he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
