we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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