So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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