Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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