I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
