just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
