Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
