since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
