just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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