If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
