the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
