every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
