oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
