Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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