Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
