he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
