I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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