I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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