xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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