i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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