I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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