so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
