You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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