I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just high enough for therapy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
