I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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