pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
