He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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