She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
