wanna go halves on a baby?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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