i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We need a shit load of segways right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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